I Was a (Very) Juvenile Delinquent





Escape and public nudiy were just the beginning

Let's start at the very beginning. When I was born during World War II (gasp!), it was standard procedure to keep new moms in the hospital for several weeks. I must have been plotting a life of crime during this lengthy incarceration.

My dad was in the Merchant Marine, so my mom and I lived at his parent's house while he went to sea for months at a time. My dad was on liberty when I was born, so we got to meet right away. But we were soon to be separated.

My grandparents did not have a telephone (so how did they text, right?), but the police station did, so the police chief brought the news that my dad was going to have to report for duty right away. His ship would be taking bombs to the war in the Pacific. My mom was not too thrilled by this, but he came back safe and sound, and he brought back a little souvenir.

Dad had the bright idea to bring a captured Japanese machine gun home. No matter that it meant breaking federal laws to do so - it was cool. Thus I was given the opportunity to make the FBI's Most Wanted List before I could walk or talk. Pinkerton detectives watched over every disembarkment, and so Dad had to be very careful. He broke the gun down and hid the pieces in his duffle bag. My mom and I met him aboard ship and when we came down the gangway, the machine gun ammunition was concealed in my baby blanket!

Our lawless scheme went off perfectly. Until we got home. My granddad had a fit! He took the gun and ammo and buried it somewhere only he knew about, thus saving my baby self from a life of crime. Darn - my mug shot would have been so cute!